Wednesday, June 07, 2006

No Pun Intended

by Sarah (The Fanatic's Wife)

For this installment of The Fanatic’s Wife, I take off my “wife hat” and put on my “English teacher hat” to express my feelings about the back cover of the NY Post and Daily News. You know what I am talking about: the bold headline that graces us with its wit every morning. I am lucky enough to work in a high school where free copies of these papers are delivered. How wonderful it was to hear all day, “You’re a son of a PITCH! Miss...I said pitch...not bitch!” Of course, “Son of a Pitch” was the brilliant headline used in response to the news about Randy Johnson’s estranged son.

I always ask myself what would happen if the sports writers couldn’t think of a pun one day…I think they often scrape the bottom of the barrel. For example, all the Daily News could come up with yesterday was “Runaway!” about the Boston/Yankees game (although I do think the exclamation point added a lot…really). It was a painful game to watch, but at least the Post came up with something, “Kickin’ the Beckett.” Ha ha…you are so creative! It reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when the dentist becomes Jewish just for the jokes. Someone (a priest?) asks Jerry if the jokes offend him as a Jew. “No,” he replies, “it offends me as a comedian.” Same here—make stupid jokes about beating the Red Sox all you want. They don’t insult me as a Sox fan. These asinine puns offend me as an English teacher.

But as they say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. In that spirit, I offer you some of my own pun-tastic baseball headlines:

Either Clement sucks or is rained out: “In-Clement Weather”

Clement has a great night: “My darling Clement-tine”

Delgado is hurt or has a bad night: “Carlos Delgad-no!”

Anything about Johnny Damon: “Sell-out traitor!” (just had to put that in there).

Crisp does something weird: “Loco Coco”

Schmidt gets bombed: “Schmidtty!”

David Wright does anything: “Wright on!,” “Wright away!,” “In his Wright mind!” The possibilities to pun this man’s name are almost endless. The Post and News must love him.

I appeal to the punsters who think of these headlines: please stop. Nobody thinks you're being clever or funny. And if you won’t stop, I challenge you to take on some of the more difficult names in baseball: Encarnaciòn, Valverde, Betancourt. Go ahead. Pun them. I dare you.

"Wild-Card Wednesdays" appears every Wednesday

1 Comments:

Blogger Alan Eliot said...

1. Encarnacion blows the game: Encarnaci-oh-no!

2. Valverde pitches the game of his life: Valver-day

3. Betancourt:
a. Traded to NY: Met-ancourt
b. Rafael/Yuniesky caught DUI, perjury, drugs, etc: Betan-court of law

Wednesday, June 07, 2006  

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"I've had a pretty good success facing Stan (Musial) by throwing him my best pitch and backing up third base."
- Carl Erskine