Wednesday, April 19, 2006

My New Boyfriend

This week on Wild-Card Wednesdays, the Fanatic’s Wife discusses her heartbreak...

This winter was a little rough for me because my boyfriend cheated on me and left me for another. No, I am not having an affair on my dear, fanatical husband. The man who betrayed me (and millions of others—we weren’t exactly exclusive) is no other than Johnny Damon.

I had a tremendous amount of faith in him to stay true to the Red Sox. Others might be tempted by money, but never Johnny. He made a cameo in Fever Pitch for Christ’s sake! He wrote a book on being an Idiot! So when the rumors started circulating that my man might go to the Yankees (oh, please, Johnny...any team but the Yankees!) I just refused to believe it. Just like in high school when the cute, laid back guy dumps his girlfriend to date the popular, bimbo cheerleader to improve his own status, so Damon left all his fans for the enemy.

The kicker? He cut his beard. What a damn shame. He looked so cute all hairy and everything. Now I can barely even recognize him when he steps to the plate which makes it very difficult to boo and yell “traitor!” at the TV.

Now my Damon t-shirt is nothing more than a memento of our relationship. Maybe I’ll take it out every once in a while and think about what once was. Or maybe I’ll write “ a sellout” on some paper, pin it to my shirt and wear it to a game. I think of Johnny like I think of any man who I have had a bad breakup with…what a schmuck.

I am so over it, though. I have found myself a new man and (to quote “Clueless”) makes Johnny look like a loser. The Mets' wonder boy David Wright: my new boyfriend. On the rebound, you say? Nope...this is the real thing. Sarah & D. Wright 4-eva.

Wild Card Wednesdays appear every Wednesday


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"I've had a pretty good success facing Stan (Musial) by throwing him my best pitch and backing up third base."
- Carl Erskine